…without the arguments! 

Money and relationships – why is it so tricky?

Talking about money with your partner can be difficult. Even couples who share everything else in life often struggle to sit down and talk openly about their finances. And when they do, it can often end in fireworks.

According to research from ClearScore, couples argue around 2,455 times a year, with arguments about money topping this list.

A fifth of those interviewed said they ‘often argue with their partner about money’, with another 22% saying they find talking about money with their partner ‘awkward’.

In another report, Aviva interviewed 1,288 couples and found that a quarter admit to arguing with their partner weekly, with 5% arguing about money every day.

Talking about money, it seems, is still a taboo topic for many couples. But as difficult as it may be, not having these discussions can be even more detrimental to your long-term goals.

At Abode Financial Planning in Cirencester, we’ve helped many people open up about their finances and take the first step to building a stable financial future.

Here’s how to talk about money with your partner in a constructive way!

Why don’t we talk about money?

From our experience, it’s not that couples don’t care about their financial future – far from it. It’s that life is busy. People are running businesses, climbing career ladders, and juggling family commitments. ‘Money talk’ slips down the list.

We see this especially with people at a pivotal point in their lives, such as selling a business, planning retirement, or shifting gears in their working lives. They’ve been focused on growth, achievement, and providing, and suddenly they’re asking: ‘Do we have enough for what comes next?’

This is often when partners realise they’ve never created the space to have meaningful financial conversations. And that’s where couples planning together can make a huge difference.

What stops these conversations from going well?

The challenge is that money isn’t just about numbers – it’s tied up with emotion, identity, and dreams. It can feel vulnerable to share your views on money, especially if you worry your partner sees things differently.

We’ve also seen how these conversations can go wrong if they feel like an interrogation or a spreadsheet exercise. That’s why we focus on creating a safe space, free from judgment, where both voices are heard.

Swap interrogation for inspiration

Rather than focusing on the hard cash, first explore your values and why money is important to you.

This is where talking things through with a financial planner can bring the clarity you need. At Abode Financial Planning, we are experts at steering the conversation to open up important feelings about money, such as:

• What does success look like for you, financially or otherwise?
• What keeps you awake at night when it comes to money?
• What’s been the best or worst thing you’ve spent money on?
• How would you describe your relationship with money?
• If money were no object, how would you live differently?
• What’s on your bucket list?

These aren’t questions about financial products or account balances. They’re questions that help couples connect and understand each other’s hopes and fears.

When we see partners look at each other and say, ‘I didn’t know you thought about money like that,’ that’s when we know we’re making real progress.

How a financial adviser helps keep it constructive

As an independent financial adviser in Cirencester, one of the most valuable things we offer is an impartial perspective. Our role is to shine a different light on your relationship with money by asking interesting questions that you might not have asked each other before.

By guiding the discussion gently, we make sure both partners feel heard. At our Discovery meetings in Cirencester, clients share things they’ve never voiced at home. Why? Because we start with questions that aren’t about pounds and pence, and we offer a judgment-free space.

Once each person’s values surface, the financial pieces tend to fall naturally into place.
When a partner turns to the other and says, ‘I’ve never thought about money that way’ or ‘I didn’t know that’s what you wanted,’ is like watching a penny drop. That’s the point where they can start building a shared vision together – and where a financial planner can offer support.

How to have a financial conversation with your partner

Whether you do it with the help of a financial planner or not, talking about money with your partner is an important part of your relationship. No matter who you are or what you earn, the basic steps are the same for everyone:

• Determine your goals: this is the obvious place to start and allows you both to bring your vision to the table
• Work out your costs: to keep track of your outgoings, and outline any large expenses planned for the next few years. Take a look at our free guides and resources section and download our free expenditure calculator to help you get started.
• Create a financial plan: once you know your numbers, you can determine if your goals are affordable. If not, what remedial actions must you take?

Once you can see the numbers in black and white, it becomes easier to have a conversation about how to get there. Rather than arguing over spending or saving, you’re both looking at the same map and planning the route together.

Turning money talks into a positive experience

At the end of the day, talking about money with your partner doesn’t have to be stressful. With the right support, it can become one of the most valuable and empowering conversations you’ll have.

If you’d like to talk with a financial adviser in Cirencester about how to start these conversations and build a shared financial plan, we’re here to help.

Get in touch with us and we can have an initial chat about your goals, your dreams and how to get you there!